Apocalypse Fatigue

A worldwide financial crisis, record job losses, a recession-damn-near-Depression, earthquakes (one just struck Mexico yesterday!), the 2012 end-of-days prediction, the Swine Flu pandemic, melting Arctic ice shelves and the return of Britney Spears . . . pure chaos!

And now they just discovered a mosquito in Torrance, California, with West Nile Virus. (How’d you like that job, by the way -- keeping a close watch on mosquitoes?!)

Is anyone else just a little, teensie-bit exhausted, emotionally, from all the doom and gloom? Doug McIntyre, my favorite morning talk-show host on 790 KABC-AM (he's funny and quite brilliant), described this current sociological condition as “Apocalypse Fatigue,” which is so spot-on. It’s a wonder we can even get out of bed in the morning!

I’ve lived half my life already, so if these are the last days, I’m not real happy about it, but at least I got to experience some ups and downs of life. I’m still hoping to win the lottery, become rich and famous and find true love eventually. If I’m lucky, maybe I can get all this accomplished by the time the Mayan calendar runs out on December 21, 2012.

I asked my teenager what she thought about all this Apocalypse talk, curious as to how young people felt who may be cheated out of the opportunity of a long life and all the wonderful moments that come with it. She told me that she would rather die as a teenager than as an adult. I asked her why:

“Because adults are boring, and I’d rather go out having fun.”

Alrighty then . . . so, what about missing out on having kids, being a mom and getting married – and not in that order, girlfriend! – I asked?

She said, “I don’t want to have kids, mom, because childbirth hurts.” I wanted to correct her and say, “No, it’s the raising of children that really hurts,” but I thought it best to just shut-up.

She offered some more of her insights: “Besides, I don’t believe in the idea of marriage – of being with the same person for the rest of your life.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, because, well, I kind of agree with her. But as a parent, I’m supposed to send her out into the world with hope and optimism, so I told her that if she found a good man, she would want to keep him. And have babies with him. That is, of course, after college, launching her career, several years of dating and a reasonably-priced wedding.

In that order!

Our apocalyptic heart-to-heart made me sad. Sad for a generation of young people who have inherited, and quietly accepted, this chaotic world.

We all worry about our children. I just fear that we won't have much time to do that.

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Swine!

This is a blog about raising teenagers, but today I speak to all parents, all over the world. I don't watch much news over the weekend, so imagine my surprise when I log onto my computer this morning and the first thing I see is Janet Napolitano, the Homeland Security Secretary, declaring a public health emergency over the outbreak of Swine Flu in this country.

So far, about 20 cases have been reported in New York, Texas, Ohio, Kansas and California. All mild cases. But in Mexico, more than 100 people have died from this flu strain. I'm not real confident that the already flimsy border between the U.S. and Mexico will be able to keep this flu from spreading.

I live in Southern California, and so far, there are seven reported cases in San Diego. That's about 70 miles down the freeway from me. A little too close for comfort.

We haven't reached that state of precaution yet where we should keep our children home from school, but I do envy all those moms who are homeschooling their children today. Since I outsource my kids' schooling every day, the only thing I could do was strongly urge them to duck into the bathroom at school to wash their hands.

I think I will put on my "To Do" list today: 1. Stock up on anti-bacterial soap 2. Buy three face masks at Home Depot (just trying to be prepared!)

How about you parents in other countries? Are you as concerned as we are here in the U.S.?


How can you prevent the Swine Flu from infecting your household? Here are some tips from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

* Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.

* Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hands cleaners are also effective.

* Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way. Try to avoid close contact with sick people.

Influenza is thought to spread mainly person-to-person through coughing or sneezing of infected people. If you get sick, CDC recommends that you stay home from work or school and limit contact with others to keep from infecting them.

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What A Dump!

Tomorrow is officially Earth Day. But my teen, tween and I celebrated early. This past Sunday, we had a nice little family outing at the local landfill, Rainbow Disposal. Nothing like the smell of trash decomposing to bring a family closer together, I say.

And given the choice between a day at the beach or a tour of the dump, well, we are anything but predictable.

Of course I want my daughters to be environmentally aware and to care enough about Mother Earth to treat her kindly. We do our part by recycling our water bottles. But the real reason we spent part of our Sunday at the dump was because my tween was offered a bribe by her school: Attend the "Public Awareness Day" at Rainbow Disposal, and earn extra credit in Science. My tween's grade is teetering between a "B" and a "C," so she needed that little push into solid "B" territory.

While I appreciated all the hard work and effort that went into pulling this day together, the come-see-how-we're-spending-your-tax-dollars-so-when-we-increase-your-fees-there-won't-be-an-uproar day, the local dump is not where I wanted to spend part of my weekend. My daughters were even less enthused. Normally an outing such as this would lend itself to a churro and lemonade. But for some reason, none of us had much of an appetite.

So we walked around long enough to grab a souvenir that my tween could give to her teacher to prove that we were there. Then I took a picture of them in front of a pile of trash, which was the highlight of the day. And inside of 10 minutes, we left, gulping for air.

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Jamie Foxx: Father Or Comic, First?

By now, you've heard all the hubbub over Jamie Foxx's rude, crude rant about 16-year-old Miley Cyrus on his new radio show, "The Foxxhole." If not, listen to the audio right here, raw and uncut:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Igrk5pds-YE

Lisening to that, you forget that Jamie has a teenaged daughter of his own. Plenty of folks are rallying in defense of Miley, particularly her father, Billy Ray Cyrus. But the one who has been forgotten in this media circus is Foxx's 14-year-old daughter, Corinne. I wonder what she thinks of her father calling teenaged Miley a "little white bitch" and encouraging her to make a sex tape and put some "crack in her pipe" to elevate her career, like Lindsay Lohan. What kind of message is this young girl getting from her own dad? The fact that he's a Hollywood A-lister does not give him a free pass to be a reckless father.

Jamie later apologized to Miley on Jay Leno's show, saying he was a comedian and never means anything he says. I watched the video. He seemed sincere. But he also seemed pretty sincere during the rant on his radio program. I think he's a better actor than he is a comedian.

Maybe his apology has more to do with concern over ticket sales to his new film, "The Soloist," which hit theaters this weekend. Guess what the No. 1-selling movie is currently? You guessed it -- "Hannah Montana: The Movie."

What I'm really troubled by, though, is the double standard here that is worth mentioning. Do you recall when Don Imus was fired from his long-running radio program for calling the Rutgers Girls' Basketball Team "nappy-headed hoes?" Like Jamie, this comedian apologized publicly, too, for his racial slur, yet he still got fired.

I don't think Jamie will be getting a pink slip anytime soon. He's a black man, and firing him for making despicable remarks about a white teenaged girl would be, well, racist.

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Silly Signs

Let's try something fun on this blog. Maybe it'll work, maybe not. But let's try. Once a week, I want to post pictures of funny signs, just for a little necessary comic relief from all the seriousness of raising teenagers.

But I can't do this without you! So please take photos of any signs you see that crack you up, and send them to me at: Boatfolk@aol.com. I promise to post them right away and give you credit for them, of course.

For starters, I offer up the one below. This sign is in a neighborhood where I used to live. It never failed to amuse me every time I drove by. It hangs over a tailoring business, and apparently, the owner is so well-endowed, he feels the need to advertise it. Perhaps it's time to switch tailors . . .

So, what does this have to do with teenagers? Well, who do you think took the picture?

DO Try This At Home!

If you have a teenager, surely you've been down the same road that I was on today. The "I'm a teen, therefore I am" attitude that is usually accompanied by a lot of backtalk and a complete and utter lack of respect. Well, I did something today that I encourage all of you parents of teens to try at home . . .

So, we pick up the story with me driving down the 405 freeway, on the way to a nice day in Dana Point. It's the first day of Spring Break for my teen, and she's in the back seat with one of her girlfriends, who I just picked up less than 10 minutes earlier. My tween is riding shotgun. All is well, so far. Then I hear my teen stop talking and start texting someone who is not in the car with us, and I thought it was very rude to do so while she ignores her friend who is sitting right next to her. I suggested that she stop texting her virtual friend and focus on the real one next to her.

She snapped back with a very biting and disrespectful remark to me. EXCUUUSE ME??? So I did what every parent should do in a situation like this -- I got off on the next exit and turned the damn car around, toward home. I told her friend that I was sorry, we would not be spending the day in Dana Point and that I was going to have to take her home because I simply could not tolerate that kind of disrespect from my daughter.

My teen was stunned -- and royally pissed at me, too! And while it felt like an act of insanity as I was driving everyone back home, in retrospect, it was THE SANEST THING I have ever done!

Once all the drama was over, and my teen finally simmered down, she realized what she had done and apologized to me. That moment of truth led to a 30-minute heart-to-heart talk with her about a number of other subjects, including drinking, drugs, promiscuous friends and all the reasons why I am so proud of her. It was the kind of talk we don't have often enough. God, I love that girl!

Parents, we can't forget that our teenagers still need us to show them the way. Be strong, be sure-footed and don't be afraid to use a little tough love whenever necessary.

Spring Break Revisited

Do you have questions or concerns about how to handle your teen's Spring Break? TheAntiDrug.com has teamed up with teen expert, Stephen Wallace, Chairman of Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD), and author of the book, “Reality Gap: Alcohol, Drugs and Sex — What Parents Don’t Know and Teens Aren’t Telling” to give you some answers:

Q: I am working the week my kids are on Spring Break. What can I do to prevent my teen from engaging in risky behaviors (like drugs, alcohol, etc.)?

A: The best place to start is with communication. Clearly stating your expectations for your kids’ behavior – and what the consequences will be for not meeting those expectations – over Spring Break is critical. Our research shows clearly that parents who take the time to talk with their kids, establish rules, and follow through with punishments when necessary, are more likely to influence their children’s choices.

Q: My teen wants to camp out with her friends for a few nights over Spring Break. How do I know if she’s ready to go away unsupervised?

A: You probably know best whether or not this is a good idea. Has your daughter been in any trouble before? Does she talk with you openly and honestly about decision-making and personal behavior? Will she agree to a set of rules about drug and alcohol use and stick to them? These are all important questions as you weigh the pros and cons of letting her go. We hear from kids that unsupervised sleepovers are often fertile ground for misbehavior (some kids even say that if they were limited by their parents they would be less likely to drink alcohol). Of course, there may be other safety issues as well, depending on the location of the camp out and the proximity of adults who can help if there is a problem.

Q: After holidays like this, the teen party pictures seem to make the rounds on their cell phones and Web sites. How can I warn my teen about posting these pictures and videos?

A: My own review of Facebook and MySpace pages, as well as my knowledge of kids’ use of cell phone cameras, tells me that young people don’t always practice good judgment when it comes to posting pictures and videos. So some good old education is a really good idea. Of course, there should be an expectation that their conduct would preclude inappropriate images of themselves, but they also need to be sensitive to posting pictures of others. Check out TheAntiDrug.com’s “Teens and Technology” section for more information about this topic.

Q: When my kids are at home alone, I make sure our liquor cabinet is locked. But is there anything else I can do to safeguard my teen at home?

A: That is a really good idea to lock your liquor cabinet. It is also important, however, to know that kids often get alcohol from others. For example, according to Teens Today research from SADD, almost three-quarters of teens (72 percent) say it is easy for them to purchase or obtain alcohol (compared to only 50 percent of parents who think that is the case). Similarly, 81 percent of teens say they can easily find opportunities to drink. So, having your child commit to remain alcohol free is a good way to keep them safe and out of trouble. Our research also shows that parents who adopt a “zero-tolerance” approach to underage drinking are more likely to have kids who don’t drink. The SADD Contract for Life (available for free at www.sadd.org) can help.
It’s also a smart idea to lock your medicine cabinet or other places where you keep your prescription and over-the-counter medications at home. Abuse of prescription and over-the-counter drugs by teens is an emerging drug use trend that parents might not know about – and teens often get these medications from friends or the homes of friends or family. Parents can take immediate steps to protect their teens from Rx abuse by safeguarding all prescription and over-the-counter drugs at home – monitor quantities and control access, and properly dispose of old or unneeded medicines. For more information, visit http://www.theantidrug.com/.

Q: How do I know if my teen is using drugs? What signs should I look for?

A: You are right to be concerned. Overall, more than one-third (35 percent) of teens say they use drugs. And, as with drinking, drug use tends to rise as teens get older. Perhaps the clearest signal of drug use is change. Look for changes in affect, mood, personality, level of secrecy, friends, grades, and sleeping or eating patterns. Of course, you also want to be on the lookout for drug paraphernalia (such as pipes or rolling papers), bottles of eye drops that may be used to mask bloodshot eyes or dilated pupils, and missing prescription drugs from your medicine cabinet. Finally, www.theantidrug.com offers detailed information about specific drugs – such as marijuana, cocaine, and ecstasy – and what they look like, how they work, and what the symptoms are.

Home Alone

Today marks the start of Spring Break for a good many teenagers across the country. Good news for them, not-so-good-news for parents. In the real, working world, there’s no such thing as a Spring Break, and with so many parents working outside the home, many teenagers will be home alone this week. According to the Office of National Drug Control, “teens with unsupervised time are three times more likely to use marijuana or other drugs. And unsupervised teens are more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as underage drinking, sexual activity, and cigarette smoking than other teens.”

In a recent poll, almost 60 percent of parents believed their kids were not honest with them about what went on during Spring Break. In fact, over half of all kids said they lied to their parents about what went on during Spring Break.

So, what can you do to ensure that your teen will stay out of trouble while you’re punching the clock, miles away from home? Here are five helpful tips from TheAntiDrug.com:


1. Always ask your teens where they are going, who they'll be with and what they'll be doing.

2. Set rules for checking in (via text, phone call, etc.) at pre-determined times.

3. Work with other parents to get a list of everyone's addresses, e-mails, and phone numbers so you can get in touch with your teens and their friends.

4. Safeguard all prescription and over-the-counter drugs at home, and put away all alcoholic beverages.

5. Talk to your teen regularly about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, and learn the facts. Go to TheAntiDrug.com for talking tips, conversation starters and all the facts about teens and risky behaviors.

Mama's Got A New Toy!

You can have your iPods and your Wii's and your plasma TV's. I've got my NeoCounter. (See it? Scroll up to the left!) I just stumbled on this darling little widget today on someone else's blog and I thought it was the coolest thing! It keeps track of all my visitors from other countries, which is perfect for this blog because I get A LOT of people dropping in from other worlds.

Yes, if you're an advertiser, I really am THAT popular!

OK, OK . . . it's probably a Google search of the word "alien" that brings them here, and as soon as they see that it's just another blog by a mom who is whining about her kids, they move on. Whatever! I don't care HOW you get here, I'm just glad you do, Germany, Jamaica, India, Hong Kong, Australia and Brazil -- and that's just in the last five days!

I'm always impressed when I see another country pegged on my sitemeter. And now, thanks to Mama's newsest toy -- the NeoCounter -- you can be impressed, too!

And one of these days, I just know it, one of my international friends will actually be motivated enough to post a response. I'm ready when you are . . .

First Heartbreak

My teen broke up with her boyfriend this week. Her first boyfriend, her first breakup. He wasn't treating her like the princess that she is. Taking her for granted, just one month into the relationship. It's a familiar tune, isn't it, Ladies? Makes me wonder -- do these feelings of not being appreciated by the ones who are supposed to love us most really start at 15?

She broke the news to me with tears in her eyes. She was trying to be brave through it all, but I could see how much she was hurting. And while my heart aches for her, I am also very proud of her.

She recognized, at such a young age, that if a guy really, REALLY likes you as much as you like him, he is going to bend over backwards to please you -- especially during the "honeymoon phase." If he doesn't, well, then, "he's just not that into you," and there's no sense in wasting any more time -- or text messages! -- trying to please him.

She gets it. Already. At just 15!

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Battle Of The Bands

It wasn't a very pleasant drive to school this morning with my teen. Our ongoing battle over music went another round. It usually goes something like this:

I'll turn on talk radio, and just as I'm settling in to the soothing wit of Doug McIntyre In The Morning, she rolls her eyes and flips the dial to KIIS FM until some stupid-ass Rap song comes on -- Chris Brown, Acorn, or whatever his name is, they all sound alike! -- and then starts busting her Janet-Jackson-like moves, right there in the seat next to me.

That's when I roll my eyes and switch the station back to Talk Radio, invoking my rights as an adult, her mother, owner of the car and therefore, commander of the airwaves.

She bites back with, "Were you always this boring when you were younger?" That comment sends me into a quick, but thoughtful, analysis of my boring adolescence, so I respond very defensively: "I'm your mother. I don't have to be entertaining."

She then proceeds to explain the history of music to me, as only a 15-year-old could: "The Beatles are so yesterday, Mom. And Cher -- she sounds like a transvestite!" I counter with, "Yeah, well at least she has a distinctive sound. Cher comes on the radio and you know instantly who it is. All the rappers you listen to sound like the same person. I think they've hypnotized teenagers with that ridiculous, thumping, repetitive beat."

She then delivers the knockout punch: "Times have changed, Mom. Deal with it!" I turn off the radio and we listen to the passing of time the rest of the way to school.

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